As much as I enjoy basketball, I usually don’t get the chance to follow it like I want because seldom do I have an opportunity to sit still for more than an hour at a time. So, when the NCAA Championships come around and it’s time to fill out my bracket, I analyze all the seeds by rank, historic wins and losses and the strengths and weaknesses of the starting lineup. And sometimes, when I get midway through, I get lazy and just start to guess. Occasionally, I give the win to the underdog, while other times it just makes sense to hand them the upset considering the odds. I can only imagine what it’s like to be in charge of drafting the players. If you think analyzing 65 teams is rough, can you envision what it must take to analyze hundreds of players around the country? Majorly overwhelming. How do you know you’re not picking the wrong players, overlooking the right ones? I would assume it kind of takes the fun out of scouting at times.
I was reading through my friends’ Facebook statuses this morning when I came across this one: “This dating game is not a game anymore.” It was actually written by a guy! It made me laugh in agreement and then I got to thinking about how the dating dynamics have shifted.
I’m single (as if you didn’t already know). In every situation in which I was involved on some version/level of seriousness with a guy that resulted in termination, it was my choice. Now, in one or two instances, their intentional actions may have forced me to make that decision because (as emphasized in the last blog post) at times, were too apprehensive to just tell the person. But ultimately, it was my decision. I’m not saying I’m the bomb, although I am (smile), it’s just that for one reason or another it wasn’t working out and I either didn’t see the point in fighting for it, or there was no fight left in me, so I called it quits. Whatever the cause, I'd always get the universal response from others when I broke the news, “Oh well, it’s his loss.” Well, that phrase is beginning to frustrate me. In this dating game, at what point does “he” get tired of losing?
I am more than aware that, in line with my previous basketball analogies to dating, women are the coaches of their team and are in control of who they recruit and for which position. However, what I have a hard time accepting is that a guy can recruit me for his lineup as well and sometimes he’ll choose me to play a position that doesn’t highlight my strengths, adding little value to his team. In turn, I don’t play to my full potential and depending upon what position I’ve given him, I can go one of two routes: shine on every other player on his team to get the coach’s attention or request to be traded.
I’m stubborn (not always…but, I think it can come out in us all), so sometimes I feel like I don’t need to prove myself to any guy and therefore, have no problem leaving him with the loss. As far as I’m concerned, no one else on his team can perform like I can, so if he doesn’t want to start me, I’ll watch him lose…as a spectator. My mom claims I have absolutely no staying power because lately, my first reaction has been to walk. But as I see it, I’ve played enough games and I’m saving us both time.
Generally, as a result, the unfortunate occurs. He realizes he’s losing without me and wants me back on his team. Only this time, he wants me to play the position I was cut out for all along. And more often than not, by this time, I’ve found no need to be such an asset. While it’s always nice to be wanted, that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s completely irritating to be an afterthought!
So, I offer you a word of advice from one of my trusted advisors:
Be certain that the guy you’ve recruited to play on your team has a similar understanding as to your role on his. If you sit on this guy's bench, while he is a star player in your game, disaster is right around the corner.
In layman’s terms, “Don’t make someone a priority that only makes you an option.” Now, how you articulate those respective roles without scaring/scarring the other person is the tricky part. By nature, I always resort to sarcasm. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. You don’t have to tell them you’re looking for a husband, but a simple, "I'm not looking for a booty call" type of comment should send him the message to either remove you from his list of potentially easy “scores” or respectfully trade you so that his attempt doesn’t result in a technical foul.
Live.Love.Learn…and then repeat!
7 comments:
"If you sit on this guy's bench, while he is a star player in your game, disaster is right around the corner." Wow. I've been around that corner...and it ain't pretty. We have to be honest enough with ourselves to admit that, usually, guys give us all the clues. They tell us, through their actions...or lack thereof, exactly what position we have on their team. We're usually just so busy trying to coach...that we don't hear them when they've called a time-out.
I always tell people to make their next move their best move because if you don't you may find yourself on the bench begging the coach to put you back in but its too late now you have become a sub
Sometimes riding the bench is not permanent. Take a look at the "sixth man/woman" on any basketball team. They play a very important role...they have to observe closely so that when they get their time to play, they make the most of it and excite the crowd. Lots of sixth men/women end up making the starting five because the coach sees the value they bring when they get in the game. I am not saying to aspire to be the sixth man/woman, but not being in the game can sometimes teach you a thing or two so that when you play, you are at the top of your game!
I was the option when he was my star, and that was NO fun! Now 3 years later I still find him being my star even though I don't want him to be. I have most definitely found an adequate supporting cast to fill out my team over the years but I can't seem to get up the nerve to trade him. I still need him. He often goes back and forth, whether he wants to be my star or retire (and come back like Jordan), and it always makes me feel good for a couple days then reality sets back in. I know what I need to do, but that is so much easier said then done considering he is my franchise. I don't want to lose my money maker in this recession, but I also don't want to lose future draft picks because of my arrogant star. I need some advice before the season starts...
What Ms. Wright said was nice, but if you REALLY want to get your bracket right, you need to get like my President and choose those TARHEELS!!! lol
P.S. I think the person who wrote about the 6th man/woman was referring to a friend of mine named Danny Green who plays for the UNC Tarheels. Last year he was the 6th man, faithfully getting in the game at the first media timeout, and this year he is a starter and one of the MANY stars on the team! He paid his dues and now is reaping the benefits! (He is sooooo going to the league and has no choice but to hire me as his lawyer upon my completion of Law School!!!)
All of this is true. What it all boils down to (although Love the bball analogies...) is that its always in everyone's best intrest to make sure that your needs that are uncomprable to you are not sacrificed for the comfort or sole happiness for the other person. THAT....is a "Womp Womp!" We would ALLLL be lying if we said "Ive NEVER been the on the bench!" or "I ALWAYS start!" Yeah right! It is easy to simply fall for someone without warning. The important thing, is making sure you're not falling alone ;-)
imLIVING.imLOVING.imLEARNING.
Daryl
Love this post and totally agree (as usual). I truly believe that the game has changed. I know so many men that want to settle down but have a hard time finding that right woman. I don’t mean because he is so great and she is not up to his standards, but because he played so many games and done so many wrong, no woman wants to take that chance. Love is like basketball in so many ways. It can be both a positive experience and a negative experience. I feel that it all depends on how well the person plays his/her position regardless of how many times they have been benched , how valuable you are to the team/coach and your skills as a team player (no guy wants a woman that can’t get down with his friends). But the most important aspect of a player is a player that knows when to trade teams as soon as they know for a fact the team does not know their worth. I am all for a fair game of love and basketball, but knowing when to leave the game on the court and seriously taking a step towards love is what really counts.
your love MBB
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