I am my father’s child. No doubt about it. From my lean and long-legged physique to my commanding presence and sometimes stubborn personality, I am him. One would think that because we have the tendency to be so much alike, we would have issues seeing eye-to-eye. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. My dad is one of my very best friends.
As a twenty-something woman coming into my own, I’ve found comfort in seeking my father’s advice on topics ranging from work to finances and especially relationships. This is mainly because he gives it to me straight, no chaser. Furthermore, I view him as the prototype for the man I hope to one day marry. Victoria Secunda, author of Women and Their Fathers: The Sexual and Romantic Impact of the First Man in Your Life, has been quoted as saying that the “greatest impact on a woman’s romantic choices and ability to feel comfortable in her own sexuality is how her father related to her in childhood.”
My parents have often times been described as the present-day Claire and Cliff Huxtable, though we’ve never gone without a microwave in our kitchen. Like Cliff, my dad was, and still is, the jokester in a house full of women. A savvy business man with an entrepreneurial spirit, he also held down the fort when my mom was traveling for business. Helping construct science projects, teaching us how to ride bikes and swim were just a few things on the list. My mom, a former tomboy, didn’t learn to braid hair for quite some time, so it was dad who helped out in that area as well (it wasn’t as bad as one would imagine). Overall, my dad was ever-present in teaching my sister and me exactly what it meant to be a devoted father and husband to his family. He was our example of what love from a man should be like and taught us that the foundation of any relationship was rooted in a love, respect and trust of oneself.
When my dad was my age, he had a master’s degree and a pretty impressive career underway. He still carried the athletic build that he adapted as a school athlete and I can imagine him having a confidence that, dare I say, bordered arrogance as well. So it’s no wonder I’m attracted to the same type of man. According to research conducted by Dr. Linda Nielsen, nationally recognized expert on father-daughter relationships, “fathers generally have as much or more influence than mothers on many aspects of their daughters’ lives. For example, the father has the greater impact on the daughter’s ability to trust, enjoy and relate well to the males in her life.”
Recently, as I sat amongst a group of male friends, I heard stories of women they’d dated who were raised without an appropriate father figure. In their experience, women with “daddy issues,” as most refer to the epidemic, can develop at least one of the following concerns:
• Low of self-esteem
• Sexual promiscuity
• Failure to forge healthy romantic relationships
• Inability to communicate with the opposite sex
• Misperceived gender roles
I understand the way my sister and I were raised is no longer the societal norm. With over 40% of babies in the U.S. born to single women, we are considered a rare breed to not only have had a father present, but to have a father who is still married to our mother. However, fatherhood has to be viewed as a duty and not a decision. The negative implications have a strong possibility of distorting the image of healthy relationships with one another and most importantly, with ourselves.
Live.Love.Learn...and repeat!
Song for thought: "Daughters," John Mayer
