While I typically try to avoid commenting on Facebook statuses (read: I loathe the constant notifications when people comment after me, yet am too lazy to log on and change my settings), I found this one to be response worthy merely because I‘d just debated this controversial topic with two different men in the same week. Their claim is always the same: men and women can’t be friends without a romantic relationship ensuing. But having a great deal of male friends myself, I strongly disagree. I went to seek the definition of the word platonic and found its meaning is where the debate begins.
According to MSN Encarta, platonic is defined as:
1. not involving sexual relations: involving friendship, affection, or love without sexual relations between people who might be expected to be sexually attracted to each other
2. perfect but unreal: perfect in form or conception but not found in reality
I’d like to point out two things from the abovementioned definitions. Firstly, platonic means to involve affection, but abstain from sexual relations. Secondly, note the contradiction and negative connotation the subsequent definition carries. With such an influenced depiction of the word, why wouldn’t there be any skepticism of its likelihood? Two attractive people can be friends without being attracted to one another. Can’t they? And if one party is attracted to the other, the friendship is still salvageable as long as they stay within the companionable boundaries of friendship. Right? Well…maybe in a perfect world.
I believe the real threat on a platonic friendship between men and women is not due to the chance of romantic involvement. Instead, as made apparent in the first definition, what compromises the relationship more than anything is the speculation and insinuation of third parties – those “who might expect” the two friends to eventually become more. Is it fair of them to project their experiences of failed platonic relationships on friends who have not crossed the line? Not at all. Does it happen anyway? All the time.
A platonic friendship can be especially difficult to defend when adding a significant other to the already seemingly-skewed equation. A happily married male friend of mine shared with me that men and women can have a successful friendship, “if the significant other is secure in knowing that a friend of the opposite sex probably knows their mate better than they do.” Imagine that. Understandably, that can be a tough pill to swallow. But looking at the glass half full, a significant other may benefit from their mate having a confidant of the opposite sex.
One young woman once told me that friends of the opposite sex are translators. What a novel concept! It has already been proven to be true. There is no other reason for why male “relationship experts” are publishing best-sellers due to the majority female consumers that buy them. It’s not like any information they’re sharing is brand new. Alternatively, women are more receptive to a man giving them relationship advice than a woman. And while men may not always admit it, they’ve also found themselves more likely to identify with the opposite sex when situations are given impartial insight by a female friend detached from the situation.
Truthfully speaking, the male/female friendships that haven't transcended their platonic nature are probably attributed to an unreciprocated attraction by one of the friends. Nevertheless, if you meet someone who has friends of the opposite sex, don't rule out the chance that they're probably determined enough to refrain from crossing the line or there was a mutual agreement that a friendship could be kept intact even after a romantic attempt failed. Don’t be naïve, however. It’s clear. Some people have a skewed view of platonic relationships and those people tend take what they can get by settling for "friendship." Note the quotations. These are the types of acquaintances that can be hazardous to romantic relationships. Beware: having a genuine friendship with someone of the opposite sex requires a level of maturity that not many people have mastered. Again, I have a lot of male friends. It doesn’t mean I haven’t been tried by some of them, it just means I didn’t take the bait.
Live.Love.Learn…and repeat!
Song for thought: “Buddy,” by Musiq
