We live in a society where people are conditioned and even encouraged to seek happiness at all costs. For example, when we’re at a job that is no longer fulfilling, we have the choice to either look for a new opportunity or quit. When we want a change of scenery, it’s as simple as relocating to a new city. Most of these situations are within our control. Nevertheless, there are circumstances that are bound to change without our influence. We must be cognizant of the possibility of these very instances as their unavoidable and sometimes unexpected effects will dictate how we handle situations moving forward.
We’re taught that change is a natural part of life and that all change is good. But is it? What happens when, as said by Ellen Gladgow, “all change is not growth, as all movement is not forward”? It can be quite the hard pill to swallow. What’s even worse is that we are the very beings most capable of this type of change; change that is both inevitable and sometimes without warning. Knowing this to be true, how does one commit to someone in marriage when both parties will, without a doubt, transform over time? How does a couple survive such a transformation that could leave them both completely different from the person their partner initially fell in love with and were attracted to? And what is the incentive to stay in a committed relationship (specifically marriage) when this happens?
I was having an in-depth conversation with a friend who married her high school sweetheart in their early twenties. They were the couple everyone admired, were role models to the youth at their church and accomplished in regards to educational background and budding careers. Having grown into adulthood together for the better part of six years, she said that marrying him was the one thing of which she was sure. She was marrying her best friend. They knew each other like the back of their own hands. Alas, their marriage lasted 18 months. The reason: her spouse turned into a person who no longer freely and openly communicated with her as he did many times before. Gradually, he grew cold and quiet – not just with her, but with family and close friends. And eventually, she discovered he’d been unfaithful. Damn.
I can’t even imagine finding the one and then discovering you’re not their only one. You’d have to be crazy to stick around – like you belong in an asylum, crazy. How do u sincerely commit to someone knowing that they’re going to change, without knowing what they’ll change into? Conversely, how do you know they’ll want to remain obligated to the changed you?
Not all people cheat. I believe this. However, affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples and the number one cause of divorce is infidelity. With that in mind, if cheating is so probable in relationships should we learn to accept it when it happens and adapt accordingly? Should we agree to open relationships so that both parties acknowledge that stepping outside of the relationship is a possibility or do we hold out for the slim chance that our relationship will be different?
I really don’t mean to sound like a pessimist. I’m merely thinking like a twenty-something single female who occasionally has doubts of commitment and struggles to make sense of it all. Of course, I want to be in a long, committed relationship, but the line between being committed and well, committed is thin. There are a lot of questions raised, none of which I can answer until I’m faced with the situation (God forbid). Nonetheless, I’ve found this prayer to be of solace, “God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” -Author Unknown.
We’re taught that change is a natural part of life and that all change is good. But is it? What happens when, as said by Ellen Gladgow, “all change is not growth, as all movement is not forward”? It can be quite the hard pill to swallow. What’s even worse is that we are the very beings most capable of this type of change; change that is both inevitable and sometimes without warning. Knowing this to be true, how does one commit to someone in marriage when both parties will, without a doubt, transform over time? How does a couple survive such a transformation that could leave them both completely different from the person their partner initially fell in love with and were attracted to? And what is the incentive to stay in a committed relationship (specifically marriage) when this happens?
I was having an in-depth conversation with a friend who married her high school sweetheart in their early twenties. They were the couple everyone admired, were role models to the youth at their church and accomplished in regards to educational background and budding careers. Having grown into adulthood together for the better part of six years, she said that marrying him was the one thing of which she was sure. She was marrying her best friend. They knew each other like the back of their own hands. Alas, their marriage lasted 18 months. The reason: her spouse turned into a person who no longer freely and openly communicated with her as he did many times before. Gradually, he grew cold and quiet – not just with her, but with family and close friends. And eventually, she discovered he’d been unfaithful. Damn.
I can’t even imagine finding the one and then discovering you’re not their only one. You’d have to be crazy to stick around – like you belong in an asylum, crazy. How do u sincerely commit to someone knowing that they’re going to change, without knowing what they’ll change into? Conversely, how do you know they’ll want to remain obligated to the changed you?
Not all people cheat. I believe this. However, affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples and the number one cause of divorce is infidelity. With that in mind, if cheating is so probable in relationships should we learn to accept it when it happens and adapt accordingly? Should we agree to open relationships so that both parties acknowledge that stepping outside of the relationship is a possibility or do we hold out for the slim chance that our relationship will be different?
I really don’t mean to sound like a pessimist. I’m merely thinking like a twenty-something single female who occasionally has doubts of commitment and struggles to make sense of it all. Of course, I want to be in a long, committed relationship, but the line between being committed and well, committed is thin. There are a lot of questions raised, none of which I can answer until I’m faced with the situation (God forbid). Nonetheless, I’ve found this prayer to be of solace, “God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” -Author Unknown.
