So it’s been well over a month since I’ve posted a blog. To all of you who’ve been asking me about a new post, I apologize for the delay and I appreciate you sticking with me. Long story short, in a short amount of time I had some major life changes occur. While they were all positive changes, the whirlwind has taken its toll on me and I got into a routine and comfortable in my new environment and therefore neglected uLive.uLove.uLearn. But this example, and some others I’ve come across lately, has pulled me back to my laptop to write. How many times have things been just right in our relationships to where we get comfortable with the way things are and in turn, take those things and people for granted?
I have a friend who has been dating her man exclusively for about a year. Their dating situation may have started off a little differently than most, as he was already committed to someone else when they started dating. Apparently, the situation became too overwhelming for her and she fought tooth and nail, literally, to claim him as her own. Fast forward a year, they are now an exclusive couple, but her fire and desire for him has since fizzled. It makes perfect sense. We’ve all been in situations where we’ve wanted something we couldn’t have and once we got it, we didn’t want it anymore. The very thing we thought we couldn’t be without, we later found out we never needed to begin with. It’s the law of attraction, the thrill of the chase.
None of us should be naïve to think the honeymoon phase lasts forever. Musiq said it best when he sang, “everything is cool when love is all brand new…” In the beginning, you’re learning each other and things are fresh and exciting. But after a while that great thing fades into a good thing. And slowly but surely, if you let it, finishing each other’s sentences goes from being cute to predictable and hardly ever spontaneous and thus, boredom starts to settle. Know this: It’s not what you do to keep it new, it’s what you don’t do to keep it from getting old. Okay, so that was about as deep as a dinner plate, but what I mean is, don’t get so ‘laxed to the point that you start to take the one you love for granted. I don’t mean for you to be on edge. What I’m suggesting is that you do things that you know you’ll be able to maintain over the course of the relationship and if there are something that you know you can’t uphold, pull those treats out for special occasions.
For example, I’m sure the majority of my female readers have all seen the Sex and the City movie (if you haven’t, stop reading and see it immediately). Ladies, DO NOT turn into a Miranda! If you have a man who absolutely adores you, show him you care and if you do nothing else, keep that “situation” under control, PLEASE! The flirty panty and bra sets you used to sport should not have turned into granny panties over the course of your bond with one another. There is a level of comfort in every relationship, but damn, some things should just never change. And if you must wear granny panties, and we all own a pair, please, for his sake, don’t make it a routine. We all know how sexy lingerie not only looks, but makes us feel. It’s the same way a stiletto shoe adds an extra bounce of swagger in our step. It will be reflected in the way you carry yourself and, trust me, he’ll appreciate you for it.
Aside from the obvious, there are so many other factors that can drive a wedge in a relationship and most times, it’s due to comfort which, inevitably, leads to neglect (see “The Relationship Life Cycle” (Jan. 2008)). But fear not, this is something that you can control. Throw a couple curve balls in the relationship to keep the party going. Finding new ways to love the one your with may not be easy, but it can also be so much fun!
Live, Love, Learn…and then repeat!
Song for thought: "Comfortable," Lil' Wayne ft. Babyface
