Many times throughout life, we are faced with the past, present and future effects of a particular four-letter word. Whether or not we are aware of or admit to its presence, no one is immune to its impact on our lives and our relationships, or the lack thereof. It is the difference between being content versus truly happy; being stagnant versus progressing onward; between trying and succeeding. It represents the unknown, and at the same time, the all-too familiar. It is fear, the most popular four-letter emotion.
Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger that is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance. Fear is often connected to pain. It is a survival mechanism, and usually occurs in response to a specific negative stimulus (Wikipedia).
As it relates to dating and relationships, people are afraid of many things for many reasons. Whatever the individual case may be, what I’ve found to be the most common reasons people fear anything or anyone is because of its ability to reveal truth and happiness.
We all know the notorious scene from the movie, A Few Good Men, when the characters played by Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson are in a heated court-room argument. Tom demands to be told the truth when Jack replies, “You can’t handle the truth!” Many of us fear searching for the truth because what we may or may not find could be out of our control. However, the truth can only be discovered when we are open-minded and realistic about the outcome.
Happiness, on the other hand, is not something you search for; it isn’t something that can be given to you. Instead, happiness should be defined by your ability to maintain a positive outlook in every situation.
I’ve known a lot of people to remain within a deteriorating relationship because they feared the ultimate heartache of being alone and/or having to “start from scratch” in finding and trusting in someone new. Conversely, I’ve come in contact with those who remain single because of their fear to commit. It is when the ideals of both internal struggles coincide that causes an external conflict between two people.
Since the beginning of their five-year relationship, Joy* searched for clues to prove that her man was cheating. She couldn’t fathom the thought of one man being satisfied with one person. Her actions were an attempt to avoid the disappointment that resulted from a failed relationship between her parents. Yet when her boyfriend finally confessed to cheating, she stayed with him. Her reasons for staying weren’t in hopes that she could work with him through his bouts of infidelity, but for fear of having to share with and learn someone new coupled with the feeling of being unwanted by anyone else.
To overcome fear, one must inherit an attribute of courage. We have a tendency to talk ourselves out of bravery because we fear that of which we’ve yet to experience. Many of us would rather walk blindly in our comfort zone of misery, because it is to what we’re accustomed, than to be exposed to something different and unfamiliar.
Think about how fear has interfered in your relationship(s) and/or how it has hindered the development of one. As mentioned before, no one is immune from possessing a spirit of fear. However, before we can even imagine experiencing the emotion of love with another person, we must learn not to surrender to fear and instead lean on the other “f” word…faith.
“A man without fear is a fool. But, a man that succumbs to his fear is a coward.” –Unknown
Live.Love.Learn...and then repeat!
*Name has been changed to protect the individual's identity.
