Who Gon' Check Me Boo?

In a game of pick up, to check the ball means that the ball is in play. The concept of a check is on a new possession. The ball is handed to the opponent to make sure that they are ready and set to go. At that point, the player passes or checks the ball back to the opponent and the game is back in motion.

Six hours after being bitten by a 24-hour bug, I peeled myself out of bed and attempted to look somewhat presentable by slapping on some make up, slicking back my hair into a bun, hopping (literally) into some skinny jeans, boots, blazer and a scarf and trekking my way through the cold rain to an underground bar in the city known best for its live jazz shows. I was going to support a friend who had made his way to my town while on tour. I would’ve stayed in bed, but it dawned on me there was a chance I could bump into a crush I’d met almost two years prior, yet had only seen once since. It was worth the chance. He was that gorgeous.

I first met him at this musician-friend’s wedding. He was a groomsman (read: he has at least one friend in a committed relationship…score!). A bunch of us stayed up that night catching up over music and a few drinks in the host hotel. There was no question he was the finest guy there as a few other women were vying for his attention. As driven as I am about going after and getting what I want, I’ve always been the complete opposite with guys. It’s an ego thing. Why in the world would I contribute to the senseless small talk, calculated giggles and batted eyes? Not my style. I decided to pass. Through mutual friends, I learned he lived in my area and so I put a bug in their ear that I was interested and hoped to run into him in the future.

In a quirk of fate, I bumped into him again six months later while on a date. For a brief second I’d forgotten I was with someone else. Yes, he was still that gorgeous. He passed on his business card and I did the professional thing by following up via email the following week. “Dear (crush), it was great running into you. Maybe next time we can do it over drinks. ‘Til then, be well.” He didn’t respond immediately, and to this day I can’t recall what he wrote, but we never met for drinks. So, eventually, out of sight, out of mind he went.

Fast forward to present day, it's been almost a year since our last encounter. I was pleasantly surprised and relieved to see my crush was in fact at the jazz show looking gorgeous...still. At the end of the night, as I was saying my goodbyes to friends in the crowd, we made eye contact. We spoke briefly in the dimly-lit venue, but again, I failed to make a move. Too many people were around, it was late and I was sick (read: I chickened out). So, I followed up with a message similar to the one I’d previously sent. As of yet, no response.

What is wrong with this dude? Didn’t I give him enough of a hint that I was interested? Or is it simply that he’s not? Impossible! Is it me? Word to Charlie Sheen, I’ve been dating so many losers that I forgot what it’s like to be winning in this dating game. Twice, I’ve made a pass by placing the ball in his court, trying to get him involved in this game of pick up (pun intended). Twice, he has failed to put this game in motion. I’m more than capable once the ball is in my possession, but who gon’ check me, boo?

To be continued… I hope.

March Madness

As much as I enjoy basketball, I usually don’t get the chance to follow it like I want because seldom do I have an opportunity to sit still for more than an hour at a time. So, when the NCAA Championships come around and it’s time to fill out my bracket, I analyze all the seeds by rank, historic wins and losses and the strengths and weaknesses of the starting lineup. And sometimes, when I get midway through, I get lazy and just start to guess. Occasionally, I give the win to the underdog, while other times it just makes sense to hand them the upset considering the odds. I can only imagine what it’s like to be in charge of drafting the players. If you think analyzing 65 teams is rough, can you envision what it must take to analyze hundreds of players around the country? Majorly overwhelming. How do you know you’re not picking the wrong players, overlooking the right ones? I would assume it kind of takes the fun out of scouting at times.

I was reading through my friends’ Facebook statuses this morning when I came across this one: “This dating game is not a game anymore.” It was actually written by a guy! It made me laugh in agreement and then I got to thinking about how the dating dynamics have shifted.

I’m single (as if you didn’t already know). In every situation in which I was involved on some version/level of seriousness with a guy that resulted in termination, it was my choice. Now, in one or two instances, their intentional actions may have forced me to make that decision because (as emphasized in the last blog post) at times, were too apprehensive to just tell the person. But ultimately, it was my decision. I’m not saying I’m the bomb, although I am (smile), it’s just that for one reason or another it wasn’t working out and I either didn’t see the point in fighting for it, or there was no fight left in me, so I called it quits. Whatever the cause, I'd always get the universal response from others when I broke the news, “Oh well, it’s his loss.” Well, that phrase is beginning to frustrate me. In this dating game, at what point does “he” get tired of losing?

I am more than aware that, in line with my previous basketball analogies to dating, women are the coaches of their team and are in control of who they recruit and for which position. However, what I have a hard time accepting is that a guy can recruit me for his lineup as well and sometimes he’ll choose me to play a position that doesn’t highlight my strengths, adding little value to his team. In turn, I don’t play to my full potential and depending upon what position I’ve given him, I can go one of two routes: shine on every other player on his team to get the coach’s attention or request to be traded.

I’m stubborn (not always…but, I think it can come out in us all), so sometimes I feel like I don’t need to prove myself to any guy and therefore, have no problem leaving him with the loss. As far as I’m concerned, no one else on his team can perform like I can, so if he doesn’t want to start me, I’ll watch him lose…as a spectator. My mom claims I have absolutely no staying power because lately, my first reaction has been to walk. But as I see it, I’ve played enough games and I’m saving us both time.

Generally, as a result, the unfortunate occurs. He realizes he’s losing without me and wants me back on his team. Only this time, he wants me to play the position I was cut out for all along. And more often than not, by this time, I’ve found no need to be such an asset. While it’s always nice to be wanted, that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s completely irritating to be an afterthought!

So, I offer you a word of advice from one of my trusted advisors:

Be certain that the guy you’ve recruited to play on your team has a similar understanding as to your role on his. If you sit on this guy's bench, while he is a star player in your game, disaster is right around the corner.

In layman’s terms, “Don’t make someone a priority that only makes you an option.” Now, how you articulate those respective roles without scaring/scarring the other person is the tricky part. By nature, I always resort to sarcasm. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. You don’t have to tell them you’re looking for a husband, but a simple, "I'm not looking for a booty call" type of comment should send him the message to either remove you from his list of potentially easy “scores” or respectfully trade you so that his attempt doesn’t result in a technical foul.

Live.Love.Learn…and then repeat!