Social Cues

I felt my mind – and my eyes for that matter – begin to wander. This man just kept talking…and with his hands no less. It was as if I were across the table from a used car salesman. His fast-talking was a dead giveaway that he was trying to hide something; too insecure to simply shut up for a minute. Poor guy.

An hour and a half went by and I learned about his parents, their parents and of course, his ex – which for a while I thought was imaginary. I did my very best to stay involved in the conversation. I interjected when possible with a smile, a nod here and there and every 20 minutes or so a subtle mention of how tired I was followed by checking the time. I even did the honor of motioning the waiter for the check. My “date” was oblivious to it all. I struggle to even label this encounter a date because I knew I wasn’t interested before we went out. Contrarily, my girlfriend was so sure we’d hit it off that I eventually gave in. I now know she simply wanted a double dating pair as she was seeing a friend of his.

Small gestures buried beneath the “cool guy façade” let me know he was a gentleman, yet throughout the nervous laughter and jibber jabber, I quickly came to the conclusion that my first instinct was indeed correct. I was not interested and there was no connection. Zilch. I’d share more of my experience, but I doubt you’d keep reading and I wouldn’t blame you.

Before I could call my girlfriend to lay her out for setting me up, she called me to report back his version of the date. Apparently, he had a great time and was looking forward to the next outing. He “felt something.” I blame the appetizers. He surely couldn’t have gotten that vibe from me. I don’t mean to be an asshole (not this time anyway), but why didn’t he pick up on what I was putting down?

Studies have shown that people who find it hard to make friends and establish long-term relationships also have trouble interpreting social cues. Go figure.

I’ve heard people say that women can decide within 30 seconds whether or not they want to sleep with a man. I wouldn’t go that far – unless we’re talking about Bradley Cooper or someone of equal or greater aesthetic appeal (insert one of your “Top 5” celebrities here). However, I will agree that 30 seconds into a conversation, we can generally decide whether or not we want to continue conversing. That’s why first dates should always be limited to less than an hour with the opportunity to extend beyond that timeframe. If you plan to meet over a drink and not dinner and the date is going south, you can excuse yourself after one drink and not have to wallow through idle conversation as you order a meal, wait for it to arrive, eat it and wait again for the check.

If you’re out with someone and you are clueless when it comes to being clued in on if they’re feeling you, keep the following social cues in mind:

1. When in public, is their body facing away from yours?
2. Do they look around the room to see who else is watching the two of you?
3. Are they avoiding eye contact?
4. Are they frequently checking their watch or cell phone for the time?
5. Do they yawn intermittently?

If the answer to all these questions is “yes,” then I hate to break it to you, but their social cues indicate that a next date may not be in the cards. Don’t be offended, simply move on. The person that’s right for you will be engaged in dialogue. When you’re together, time will fly by and you’ll both be anxiously waiting to meet again. Til that time comes, live.love.learn…and repeat!