Valentine’s Day is the internationally-celebrated day of love; the day that chocolate, flowers and an open table at restaurants are in high demand. But, let’s be real. After the flowers die, the chocolates have been picked over and the food is digested, what is there to show for? My point is, after the materialistic symbolisms for love have faded, is love still there?
After doing some research, I found that there’s actually more than one St. Valentine and that the association with lovers really stems from a poem titled, "Parlement of Foules" by Geoffrey Chaucer. “The story was set in a fictional context of an old tradition, but in fact there was no such tradition before Chaucer (Wiki).” Yes, you’ve all been duped! Of the two St. Valentines (and I believe there’s at least eleven total) honored on February 14th, neither of them are synonymous with love. So, now that we’ve established Valentine’s Day is just that, a day to honor martyred saints, what’s with all this romance business?
It’s so ironic to talk to friends that are in relationships who’d rather shy away from the commercialism created around the fourteenth of February and, on the flip side, have friends, who aren’t in relationships, insinuate wanting one on this day. Maybe the difference lies in whether or not you like or love the one you’re with…if you’re with anyone at all. The different levels of emotion cause for different types of rules. And with a certain sentiment and regard for someone, comes a more mature and realistic approach to the relationship and how it’s celebrated. If you simply like someone, a card and heart-shaped candy box might actually be all you need to convey your feelings. But if you’re in love, you’re probably (or at least should be) questioning why this day is different from any other.
If you’ve ever taken a literature course in college, you probably remember a German philosopher by the name of Friedrich Nietzsche. Thanks to my sister, my memory has been refreshed so allow me to refresh yours on Nietzsche’s theories on truth. In a response to his article, she wrote, "In his article, 'On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense,' he declares truth is not objective, but rather subjective and it is a device created by man, not conscious." In so many words, he stated that truth is something that we create based on individual ideals and experiences. Love is similar.
Love is a term that you certainly can’t unanimously define because it is an emotion, which means that everyone’s description of it will vary. Yes, it may be difficult to define what love is in terms of what it feels/looks/smells/tastes/sounds like, but I’m sure we can all easily describe what it isn’t. Love is not a game. It’s not like dating. There are no opposing teams and no one is competing to score more points than the other. There is no protective gear if you get hurt and there are no time outs. You can’t be selfish and you most certainly can’t be in love, in the romantic sense, with more than one person. Love is, however, a process and something to be taken seriously. Reflect on the following excerpt from a male’s point of view on falling in like versus falling in love:
“Why do fools fall in love? Because they never fell in like. It is almost like women (and men) have a habit of falling in love with falling in love. To ‘fall’ in love implies the ultimate vulnerability on behalf of an individual. To be ‘in like’ implies a sense of control over the situation. No one should ever intentionally FALL in love with anyone. Now, the natural progression of things SHOULD be that one fall in like, and grows to love. Nevertheless, when the first step is erroneously taken for granted, people FALL in love, just to FALL right back out of love. How tragic. Conversely, if one would simply ‘fall in like’ with an individual first, then they would grow to love, and even more importantly LEARN to love them. Ultimately, we should not be fooled by the trickery of modern-day pop culture and the emphasis that it has placed upon ‘falling in love.’”
Love is not something that needs an annual reminder. But should you use this holiday as justification for showing your affection for another person, maybe you need to reassess the situation. I’m not knocking Valentine's Day. I simply hope that love is commemorated as much today as it is on any other day of the year; that it is revered and considered more than just a mere tradition. For those who are in like, in love or who, currently, aren’t experiencing either one, remember: If you think love is a game, there’s only one rule: stop playing!
Live.Love.Learn…and then repeat!
10 comments:
"If you think love is a game, there’s only one rule: stop playing!" - words to live by....but as far the quote in your post goes, how can you fall in like then fall in love? isn't the whole point of falling in love is you skip over the in-between steps...aka falling hard and fast?
My dearest starrynight… I am the man that wrote the quote to which you are referring. Allow me to elaborate a little bit. Love is perfect. In fact, in its purest form, GOD is Love. Conversely, 'falling' doesn't really have a positive connotation in my view. I think that the term "falling in love" implies that people are careless with something that should be treasured. Just like we must learn each other's personalities, I think that we should LEARN how to love one another, instead of letting mere "emotions" define how we treat one another. Emotions change with the weather… But Love is something that should be consistent, ESPECIALLY when we're dealing with relationships, even when the emotions are on that proverbial roller coaster. Hey… sometimes things that are done "hard and fast" are the things that don't end up lasting very long. I hope that this clears some things up. :o)
I completely agree with you in regards to the commercialization of this holiday, and feel that love (true love) should be expressed everyday.
However, I must say, I do like the fact that there is a recognized day devoted to lovers, friends and those "in like," to show how they feel. I mean, imagine, those Valentine Day's in school when you would finally get the courage to tell that unrequited love how you felt with your card, or that lil' piece of paper that reads "I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes, No or Maybe."
I think as people, we need this day to shout from the rooftops our true feelings, for it makes it seem special in some way. It’s not the same “ I love You’s” that feel old after time, but a day that inspires many to be creative and gives a needed break from the normal monotony of being in that committed relationship.
I love the quote about falling "in like" and falling "in love," but I feel, it may be far to calculated. I do believe that one should be "in like" before being "in love" because it allows you to really know who you are in love with. But does falling "in like" mean that you don't get that same rush as falling "in love." Is that feeling of infatuation, passion, heat, fun, sex and overall commitment only for those “fools” falling "hard and fast" (like the post above explained) or do those feelings get better in time and "in like?"
I don't have the answer, but what I do know is that people fall "in like" or "in love" for the same reason... Because it feels F'in Phenomenal. To have feelings about someone, and vice versa, is an amazing rush. It's crazy, it hurts, it makes you feel whole and its power is more than you can ever imagine. So whether it is celebrated today, everyday, or 2morrow when all the candy, flowers and jewelry are in the ½ off bin at your local stores, Love the best way you know how.
a.good.friend- I think your thoughts are very insightful and refreshing.
As for celebrating Valentines Day, I feel like it is definitely a subjective matter. One should only celebrate a holiday because it means something to them not because society says Spend Money! If u like or love someone you shouldn't have issues with telling and showing them on a daily basis, even on a day with a "theme". That’s with any holiday really, I mean if you love the lord you shouldn't just praise on Christmas or Easter (or ONLY ON SUNDAY MORNING) you should do it everyday and then if the mood strikes you partake in the themed activities recognized by society for a little extra fun. There is nothing wrong with giving or receiving on today just make sure its not the only day.
-SC.
I don't think falling in love actually means your are "in love." It's comparable to starting to like someone...except quicker. For some people, people like/love their significant other faster than others. I had a neighbor that proposed after 3 weeks and then got married within a year time span. They have been married for over 14 years with 3 children. Does that mean because they were "fast" their love is not consistant? Their love isn't as great as someone who "took the time" to go slow in the beginning? Like the post says, love is something that has a different definition in each person's eyes. Love can't be shoved into a box to fit the majority. Plus you say to be "in like" implies a sense of control over the situation. I don't think love should be an emotion that is ever controlled.
By its very definition, you can't intentionally fall in love. If you do, then you are in love with falling in love. I don't think people get to this state because they never "fell in like," but rather got there because they need to be comfortable with their self instead of looking for someone to make them feel comfortable. But sigh, that's a whole other post.
Great discussion :)
And in reference to Jujubee....there's always going to be a hallmark for every occasion...someone recently gave me a card that actually read sorry for being an @$$hole (now it wasnt from hallmark but was a real card!). I hate when people say they are not celebrating so and so day because they refuse to fall into the whole greeting card/materialisticness crap....those are the same people celebrating their birthday haha! But I do love how you said regardless, it's nice to have one day devoted to highlighting something, no matter what it is. So yeah you love someone 365 days a year, but what's wrong with having one day where everyone celebrates at the same time :)
Well, here's what I think...
Love is something that definitely grows over time, that expands and becomes more defined by experiences you share with someone. "Falling" is how you get to the first stage of love: trusting and opening up your whole self to another enough to experience all that your potential relationship has to offer with your whole heart. Losing control comes with the territory. I had to learn the hard way that truly loving someone means that you HAVE to let yourself go, and that you can't control it and how they need to be loved in return, even if that means you can't be together. Picture that...
Valentine's Day is a day out of a year where we can share how we feel with someone - a crush, a lover, a significant other, etc - in a way that may not be feasible in everyday life. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our own 'goings-on' that we overlook some one-on-one time with those who are special to us. Valentine's Day is a time to devote to that one person and show them how important to you they really are. And sometimes the smallest gestures make the grandest impressions...
Just my $.02, everyone... Happy Valentine's Day :)
I think everyone is missing the point of this blog post...the sister mentioned is a GENIUS!!! Who ever heard of Nietzsche before??!! lol ;)
I love this blog!!! I must tell you, I don’t understand why you’re not writing for a hot magazine, or interviewing for the position of the next dear Abby, because Abby bites. Well back to the topic of Valentine’s Day and what remains once the day is over and done with. As my close friends know, especially my BFF, know that I am the mushy girl of the world. I am the one person that loves to celebrate love because it exists and because I have found the one thing many woman/girls can only dream of. I think Valentine’s Day is a hyped up day just to spend extra money and extra time on the person you so call care about, but if that person truly cares about a person, it’s not just a one day event. I know how it feels to walk into a room filled with beautiful flowers or have surprise gifts left in house for me to find, but the thing I love most about those memories is that even though he does a little extra on that day just because its Vday, is that he knows it makes me feel special and makes me feel loved, not more, but just as much. What remains after that day I think is that feeling of someone that cares about you, going out their way to let you know that he or she cares and adore you and chooses to celebrate this day even if it provides a false meaning. I do think that a woman shouldn’t have to wait for one day a year to feel loved or appreciated, but it’s nice to know that on a day when everyone is getting that extra attention, you are also getting that feeling. I don’t question why it’s different, I don’t question his love for me, I don’t question why he would go out of his way, I been in a relationship for seven years and every time he goes out of his way to show me I am everything to him even by a single rose or a phone call, or even a simple card, I accept and never ask questions, because trust me girls those days are limited no matter how you look at it or pray!
I love you girls!!
MBB
Very nice change for someone blogging about how my favorite philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche fit into the Valentine's Day scheme-of-things. Please check out my friends blog on Nietzsche and Valentine's Day at http://friedrichnietzschefanclub.blogspot.com
Ever since Pope Gelasius declared February 14 as St. Valentine's Day back in 496 AD, Friedrich Nietzsche is probably the only other person who enriched the Western concept of Valentine's Day by declaring anything done out of love is beyond good and evil.
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