My TEAM and I have asked ourselves over and over, “Where are all the good men hiding?” Well, I’ve already told you in a previous post that they’re actually not hiding. In fact, since that post, I’ve bumped into three! And so now that that mystery has been revealed, you’d think I’d be pleased with the outcome. Think again! It’s great that I’ve found “him,” but now what? I’ve realized that it’s not that there’s a shortage of good men, it’s that when women find them, they don’t know how to appreciate them. Okay, so maybe my revelation was a no-brainer to some, but I never thought I’d be one of those unappreciative women until now…allow me to explain.
I swear I come up with a new definition for dating every time I go out with someone new. Dictionary.com defines dating as, an engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest. Auntie says that dating is what you do when you’re trying to find a mate or, if things don’t go well; get a free meal (I promise she means that in the most respectable way possible). However, what people fail to define is the emotional difference between what I’d like to call “serially dating” and “seriously dating.”
Seriously dating is just that, taking the time to learn and grow with one person in all aspects. Serially dating is what I refer to as dating people sequentially (and simultaneously) just for the fun of it, with no expectations, no pressure. It’s a sure-fire way to get to know a couple of people and create a couple of new experiences. But what happens when you’ve been serially dating and find you're seriously falling for one of the guys? That’s where I’ve always dropped the ball. I start dating, say five guys at a time, all of them offering different things, yet, inevitably, one guy (sometimes two) starts to stand out from the bunch and eventually I start falling for them…seriously. Then, like clockwork, I catch myself and I start to renege on my emotions. It ends up leaving the both of us totally confused and instead of an explanation, I’d rather just start from scratch…substitute him out, add another one in.
But lately, I’ve been subbing in this new guy. Believe it or not, to be a rookie, he’s got skills. It’s great to have finally met someone who meets almost all of the “must-haves” on my list. It’s almost too good to be true. So instead of building up a wall, I’m really trying to break down all the other boundaries I usually set and seriously work on letting him in, even if he turns out to be just a friend. But, opening up to something or someone that you haven’t experienced before is never easy. Like I did in the post titled, “An Introduction,” I think I can best describe this situation by comparing it to alcohol:
“At 20-something, I still believe in straight-up love. It may be on the rocks at time, shaken and even stirred. It may be an acquired taste for some. It may get you hooked on the first round or take a while to build a tolerance for. It could up and leave you acting a complete fool, forgetting who you are. It could leave you open and vulnerable, saying and doing things you couldn't even imagine. It could burn going down, yet have the possibility of being so smooth. The thing is, you won't know until you try.”
Unfortunately, doubt has a way of stumbling its way into situations. As soon as I start to give this rookie more playing time, all the players I’ve since benched, want to start showing off to get the coach’s (my) attention. It’s not fair to him, or to me. He’s been performing consistently from the start, while others’ abilities come and go at their leisure. Just when the rookie thinks he’s making a name for himself, I start second-guessing his ability and whether or not I’m missing out on any other valuable players that may be ready to get back on the court. As always, women know what to do; they just don’t know how to do it. And as the title reflects, this time, I don’t have any answers…
2 comments:
Your rookie must not be too bad cuz' you keep including him in the blogs. Is this "good guy" aka lame on his grind? Does he really really care for you (if you gotta ask yourself that, hes not)?? Can you bring him around your circle and us not say "DAMN HE'S LAME???"
Being lame is one thing. Lame can be tolerated. But DAMN HE'S LAME...there's little room for that. If his lame quotient is tolerable (if you answer yes to ALL of the above questions), fuck it, go for it!! As we get older, the lame line drawn in the sand is becoming less visible (though its still there). Dont wanna be with a Lame, but, if hes on his hustle (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, etc.), he's a winner. Or maybe if your patient enough, you could have it all (Cool, Funny, Rich, and the other six that make the whole nine). See how it plays out, but dont settle, youre not old enough to have to.
HOLLERRRRR
P.S. As far as your line-up goes, I would start from scratch, but remember, cant bring baggage from previous men into other relationships. That's like taking a bag you packed for Miami, and bringing it to New York. Different climates call for different clothes momma. Learn to unpack between trips. Easier said than done though, Im telling you what to do but seldom do I follow my own directions (gotta get it together).
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