A couple of weeks ago, the prospect of dating a much older man was introduced to me and since then, I’ve been thinking about the possibilities. Over the course of my twenty-plus years of life, I've heard people say that females mature faster than males. I've even heard the numerical value of this maturity gap is around two years. This means that if I'm dating a 25-year-old man, he's really at the maturity level of a 23-year-old. Now I’m unsure if this "hypothesis" is a scientific fact, but I've found it to be true in, not all but, most cases. To remedy this, smart women have started to date older men, at least two years older, but even smarter women have moved further up in number. “Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number," wasn't just the title of Aaliyah's 1994 single, it's a frame of mind when we date nowadays. In an attempt to better understand the aging phases of men, I’ve compared it to the aging of a fine wine.
Some wine aficionados have led us to believe that the older the wine, the better. Aging wine anywhere from five to 50 years can change its character and the result is a smoother, subtler, more complex taste. However, a true connoisseur knows that only a few wines actually improve with age. According to www.foodandwine.net, “It depends on how the wine is marketed; whether it's for immediate consumption or for laying down. Yet, no matter which approach is taken, the wine will age in the same way. It will be undrinkable at first, then it will approach its peak, then it will plateau, then it will deteriorate to the point of being undrinkable.” So in retrospect, depending on how a man presents himself could determine if he’s already matured or if he should be put on the shelf for a couple of years.
When a younger woman dates an older man they could be looking for a variety of things including, but not limited to, maturity, financial stability (Sugar Daddy), wisdom, chivalry and the father they never had. An older man can offer these things because, it’s more likely that he has been through enough experiences, allowing him to have reached a point in his life where he is no longer struggling to discover who he is. He’s crossed off some of his life’s goals and he knows what he wants and how to get it…we hope. He’s also in a better position to be a provider and advisor. But let’s remember what was said about wine: after it’s peak (when they’ve reached an equal or higher level of maturity), there is a plateau (or area of stability) and then it will deteriorate (think J. Howard Marshall, Anna Nicole’s late husband who was 63 years her senior). I don’t disagree with dating older men, but ladies, at some point don’t you have to ask yourself, “Am I dating my daddy?” Seriously, how old is too old?
I never really warmed up to the idea of dating younger men, and for no real reason. Yet, the older guys I've dated haven't been that much older than me so, "mathematically," I guess I've always dated guys "my age." However, I have friends, both male and female, that prefer "dating up,” for very different reasons.
My friend Linda* is a 25-year-old woman with a college degree and a great career who recently purchased her own home. Her boyfriend is 40 with children close to her in age. Their relationship has been going strong for some time now and she gets along well with his children. Luke 5:39 reads, “And no one, after drinking old wine, wishes for new,” and Linda is not interested in dating anyone her age anymore! She won’t date a younger man or even one her age because she believes that younger men are “uncertain and are more likely to be competitive and insecure with [her] accomplishments than someone who will support her aspirations and share advice.”
Conversely, my friend, Sean*, dates older women because, “it’s cool, plain and simple.” He says it’s a plus if the woman is “beautiful and rich.” He agrees that the attraction stems from an increased maturity level (most of the time), the fact that she has a career, which means that they can foot the bill (Sugar Mama), and a mutual understanding on the direction of the relationship: no pressure, no expectations for things to get serious. Wasn’t that Stella’s M.O. before she fell in love with Winston (refer to: How Stella Got Her Groove Back by Terry McMillan)? I also tend to believe men date older women because, in return for whatever it is that they offer, they get an all-encompassing woman that fills a physical and emotional desire. At twenty-something, it is unnatural for a man to expect his mother to still do the things she did for him when he was a child. But an older woman, whom he is dating, can serve as a provider with extra benefits that mom can’t offer (wink). It’s like the school-boy’s crush on his friend’s mother, a term that was introduced to us as “MILF” in the movie American Pie.
All-in-all, age is really a preference. But I really do believe that like wine, a mature man is worth waiting for, finding and enjoying. The only challenge is deciphering between which wines, I mean men, actually mature with age and which ones never will.
4 comments:
Great Topic Boo,
This is an area where alot of young girls lack or shall I say afraid to experience. Some girls always seem to want that stability, that wealth, that maturity, however they still want that young, fresh, outgoing attitude that us young and twenty something man offers. I am not saying that you can't have it both ways because honey I am defintely in a relationship that provides me with all that factors above and he is my age, which is 23. I mean i am not saying that he fits all of those criteria I listed to the tee, but he is close and for some of us close just isn't enough, we keep searching until we find exactly what we want, and I been out there and you should stop searching because they are not out there. I had some experience of dating guys that are alot older then I was like by 10 years. Its definetely a different experience, and its what I exactly expected. Most older men already know what they want, even if its not a relationship (a young fine peace to show off). I don't think that being older is finer But I do agree that with aging a man can learn to be something great. Giving up on the younger crowd wouldn't be my first thought, because everyman needs molding and an older man had its chance to be molded and if that hasn't happened yet, then its what you see is what you get. So I think its great that younger girls date older men, because its worth the experience, however a younger man is more susceptible to our changes and recommendation in the long run.
Love yah, MBB
Age isn't anything but just a number. As much as women adore older men becasuse of stability and the fact their wiser, but in the end they're never as much fun as younger guys. It is however different for younger guys when we date older women. I personally luuuuuuuvvvvvvvv older women. It seems like once a women is over 30 and not married, she's lost all faith in men. This, sad as it may sound, relaxes them, they take things as they come and aren't constantly putting pressure on where the relationship is going. They also have no problem taking care of a younger man, as they take pride in it because it shows us why they feel they're better than younger women. Sexually of course they're more seasoned and extremely more giving. The only problem with older women is their insecurity about being with a younger man. It is ususally a mix of what their friends and colleagues think. Older women are alot easier to approach, normally the flattery of a young attractive male flirting with them, is enough just for you to get your foot in the door. All in all older women are the come up but the realtionships usually never last, reason being older women usually go into relationships with younger guys with the pre-concieved notion that its just a fling. Age is ultimately a factor in the end, but in the meantime the experience makes for a fun and entertaining story to tell your homie
For the most part, I have always dated men who were older. Being 24, I have found that men in their early to mid thirties have been not only the most financially stable, career and goal oriented, mature, and experienced (in a variety of areas from sex to life), but also seem to know how to take care of a woman.....at least the way I prefer to be taken care of. In my experiences, I have found that these men (generally speaking) have finished playing their games as far as capping girls heads up with the nonsense that 20 some-thing males feel they need to do to accomplish anything. I have learned that older men feel more comfortable being honest and putting things on the table and communicating exactly what it is they do and do not want. Usually they are also in a place in their lives where playing around with multiple women is not a priority........neither is SEX (or if it is they have a more reserved approach!) One of my closest girlfriends has been in a monogomous relationship for over 4 years with a man 20 something her senior. He is divorced, and has children who are just about the same age as she is. He has met her parents, who are his age. With all this being said, and as difficult it may be to understand, they are in one of the healthiest relationships that i know! I don't know if me growing up the baby of my family and being somewhat spoiled (to an extent of course!) I appreciate the nurturing aspect of dating older men. Who doesn't like when someone looks out to make sure that you are always happy and taken care of (and it's not always a money thing). My only problem is the fact that I always hoped to marry and have a family with someone I could grow WITH. So obvioudly there's a huge confliction. Enough of my personal issues.......bottom line, the idea that we (females) mature faster is not a myth, regardless of if that's a shot to younger men's esteem. It's fine if younger men enjoy their youth and are living out their prime like children........ but it's not okay when they decide to put on the FACADE that they are actually mature. until the next post, SOB
I like this post a lot (especially the whole wine aspect)! The only thing I'd have to say is when you were describing why a younger woman may want an older man, it kind of bothered me you wrote "financial stability (Sugar Daddy)." Now I know you said these 'may' be 'some' of the reasons, but to me it came across as saying if a woman is with a man for financial stability, she is clearly looking for a Sugar Daddy. I am definately looking for a man with financial stability. Now this isn't because I want someone to provide for me but rather if I have my shit together, why shouldn't the man I am with also have his shit together? Also, people who say they don't need a rich man just someone who loves them...I agree with that to a degree...because sooner or later, you will hit your max point when you are providing for everything. Financial problems do hit a relationship hard.
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