Let it Burn?

I came across an article in the Wall Street Journal today about what people hold onto and how they get rid of things after a break up and why. I, too, had a talking stuffed bear that I immediately dropped kicked off my balcony the day I found out my then-boyfriend had been cheating. Did it make me feel better? Yes! Did it change the fact that he cheated? Not so much! For nearly six months, I held onto emails written by another ex. I wasn't ready to let go and re-reading the letters surely didn't help. And while deleting the emails was the first step in nursing the wound, it failed at deleting him from my life altogether.

In the movie, "Waiting to Exhale," Angela Bassett's character, Bernadine, found temporary solace the day she cleared her husbands belongings from their house, placed them in his BMW, doused the car in lighter fluid and flicked her cigarette towards one of his most prized possession as she watched it burn in a blaze of fire. This was all done in response to him leaving her for another woman. It was a liberating scene that I'm sure got a lot of praise from the women in the audience. But does a break up, under any circumstance, warrant such a “heated” retort? And does it ever solve the real issue?

Before you go and "Bust the Windows" out his car, remember a Detroit woman's re-enactment of the notorius Waiting to Exhale scene resulted in an arrest on arson charges with a $3,500.00 bond. However you choose to cope, understand that throwing away/burning/shredding the evidence of a an old flame doesn't make the smoke clear any faster.

Read the WSJ article "The Post-Breakup Purge" By Elizabeth Berstein and comment below on how you best deal with a break up and how you dispose of the evidence.

Live.Love.Learn...and repeat!

Cheaper to Keep Her?

A friend forwarded this email sent to an ex after a recent break up. Talk about wanting closure...

Dear Ex Boyfriend:

Since you will not take my calls or respond to my text a letter is the only way that I can communicate to you. I just want to resolve the following issues that are still pending since the end of our relationship.

The couch payment… the payments are $190.00 until September which is $1520.00 or $1000.00 to pay it off now. I paid for the couch for January 2010 and you also verbally agreed to take care of that charge for our relationship ended on January 16, 2010 and I fully moved on January 17, 2010 you stated that you would reimburse me for that payment as well, which was made on January 23, 2010

The replacement of my broken radio which you promised to pay to replace and fix on February 4, 2010, the Chevy dealership has quoted me a price of $487.00 for parts and labor, but you stated that you found a cheaper alternative just let me know.

Transfer the AT&T account onto your own account since you have ordered me to “lose your number” I don’t think it wise to share a phone plan with someone who doesn’t want you to have their number. Also pay your last month bill for $300.00 for January and $130.00 to cover your February bill as well. If you choose to go back to T-Mobile a $150.00 early termination fee will be due as well for your contract expires December of 2011.

Finally I loaned you $100.00 for probation in which I also gave you a ride to on January 21, 2010 I need that amount back as well which you gave in writing was a loan and you would return to me upon your 1st check which you did not and stated on February 08, 2010 that you would give it to me after the 15th, today is the 17th of February.

It was my greatest pleasure to date and be intimate with you. I will miss you dearly but like wise people always say “time heals all wounds.”

I wish you nothing but the best and will always speak and keep you in a positive light when you are thought or spoken of; I hope that you can do the same for me. J

I love you and hope that you find success and happiness in ALL that you do.

Thank you, for ALL of the valuable lessons that you have taught me.


Fondly,
Ex Girlfriend



"Cheaper to Keep Her," Buddy Guy

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

The link below is an article written by Carrie Sloan for lemondrop.com. Interesting stuff!

As a twenty-something single woman, I can admit to sometimes fleeing men for superficial reasons. I am aware of those reasons failing to be a determining factor in whether or not a relationship can be fulfilling. Yet in the same breath, I've yet to feel pressured on "settling down" to the point that it matters.

I subscribe to the points made in this article. Carrie states, "If you're 22 or 26, get back on the bar and keep dancing. I, too, dated in a big city for a decade, and there's a time when a guy should be judged by nothing more than his potential to make an excellent post-mortem brunch story."

Marriage is forever. Until you know what you want and what you can offer, enjoy your singledom. However, when you are ready to commit for life, be realistic in your expectations.

Marry Him -- A Look At The Divisive New Book That Urges You To 'Settle'

Dear Ms. Wright

Dear Ms. Wright,

Since the breakup from a five-year relationship, I haven’t had much luck finding anyone worth my time to date. All the guys present themselves to be the perfect guy, but sooner or later down the line, they end up being a waste. Valentine’s Day is approaching and, as a result, I’ve stopped going out in social settings at all. I just don’t have the energy to deal with losers and I sometimes question whether or not this grass is greener than my last relationship.

Anonymous, age 26

Milky Mess,

What you're experiencing is completely normal. You've been in a relationship for all of your adult life and although the break up isn't brand new, this is the first Valentine’s Day as a real single woman. The last thing you want to do in this situation is hide. For every few losers, there’s bound to be an un-spoiled one in the bunch. How the hell is he supposed to find you if you refuse to see and be seen?

Make it easy for him with these three simple steps:

1. Go to the craft store and buy some fabric paint.

2. Purchase a bright, solid-colored top and

3. Using the fabric paint, apply the following message onto the shirt: HERE I AM!

There is NO USE in crying over spoiled/spilled milk. I never understood that phrase, but let me try to make sense of it now. All of your ex-boyfriends can fall into the category of "Spoiled Milk."

In the beginning, it was what you needed, it was good for you to experience your ex-boyfriend because of the emotional growth spurt that you encountered while together (milk = healthy bones = growth, get it?). But, like milk, if you try to savor it well past the expiration date, you'll be left with a sour taste in your mouth. DISPOSE OF IT! No matter how good the milk may have complimented your cereal or fluffed your pancake, it's no longer healthy for you to consume and will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

All of your "subpar" suitors since your breakup, let’s call them all "Spilled Milk." Whether you wasted some of the milk or spilled the entire carton, apparently it just wasn't meant to consume the whole carton. That could be a blessing in disguise.

Remember, milk doesn't cost that much. You can buy another carton. What I mean is, it won't take much for you to bump into another guy. However, be cautious when shopping. No grocer is going to sell you spoiled milk. For the most part, guys will market themselves to be worth purchasing. Whether or not the milk will spoil soon after purchasing or if you'll consume it in enough time to reap the benefits is still open for discussion. But, that’s simply a part of the experience. To find out, you have to, at least, open the carton.

It's hard starting over, but it's necessary. Good luck. Have the courage to live, love, learn...and repeat!