Three Men You Must Meet

I seek advice from friends all the time about dating, relationships and the lack thereof. However, I find the best advice comes from those deeply reflective conversations with my parents. Relating back to my previous post on the dating “cycle” and how it perpetuates through generations, all the things that I’ve encountered and have yet to experience, my parents have already been through. So, when I rush into a relationship that turns out to be a failure because we have nothing in common, I can remember my dad advising me to be a friend first. And when I come across a guy who seems to have the total package, I remember the three men my mom told me I must date. It may not be three different men, but instead three different situations that you should be familiar with before marriage.

Meet “Mr. 80/20”
If you’ve seen the movie, “Why Did I Get Married?” you’re probably familiar with the “80/20 rule.” But in this case, a guy that believes in the “80/20 relationship” is the guy that you like more than he likes you. You remember the school-girl crush you used to have for that fine upperclassman or the captain of the basketball team. The guy you used to fantasize about, the one you’d hoped would look your way and say, “hello.” The same way we fell head-over-heels back then, is the way we fall for “Mr. 80/20.” Blinded by whatever “it” is about him, you give him 80 percent of your emotions, oblivious to, or just not caring about, the fact that he’s only giving you 20 percent of his. If he does a good job of not coming across as blatantly self-absorbed, it will take you a while before getting the feeling that the relationship is a non-reciprocal give and take. You give, he takes. You’re ready to take two steps forward and he’s comfortable with standing still.

Meet “Mr. 20/80”
“Mr. 20/80” is the one who likes you more than you like him. If you meet “Mr. 20/80” after being with “Mr. 80/20,” he can be classified as the rebound, but he comes in many other forms. He’s the guy who offers to go out of his way for you, giving you 80 percent of his passion. He’s the one who treats you the way you deserve to be treated; like a queen. There’s something about “Mr. 20/80” that makes you feel you should be taking him a little more seriously. But whatever “it” is, is not enough. You feel bad about the situation because you were once in his shoes. But no woman should want a man to give his all if she knows she’s not willing to do the same. “Mr. 20/80” is great guy, but great for someone else.

Meet “Mr. 50/50”
“Mr. 50/50” is the one with which you share a common connection. You give and he returns, equally. You serve as each other’s friend, lover, counselor and so much more. He is your Mr. Right.

You may not meet these three men in the order discussed. There will be a couple cases of mistaken identity in your dating lifetime that will lead you to mistake “Mr. 80/20” for “Mr. 50/50” and “Mr. 50/50” for “Mr. 20/80.” Every woman’s Mr. Right is different. But if you now know what you want, what you deserve and what you won’t settle for, you’ll be able to make the distinction. Author John Powell once said, “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”

My mother suggests being in these three relationships so that you:
• Learn how much of yourself you’re not willing to lose in efforts to make someone else happy (80/20),
• Learn how not to take advantage of someone when you have the upper hand (20/80) and
• Learn that a true relationship is a relationship of equals(50/50).