It’s never easy saying goodbye to someone you care about. What can make it even more difficult is knowing you may never see them again; or as in my case, realizing they may never see you. But I’m not using the word “see” in the literal sense. Instead, I’m implying that they may never see you for more than meets the eye because of whatever personal matters are obstructing their view. And overtime, you will come to a point when you have to decide whether or not to make one last attempt to give it your all in an effort to open their eyes or to completely give it up; keeping in mind that it may actually mean the end.
I firmly believe that people are in your life for a reason, season or lifetime. And it's been said that as soon as you discover a person’s term in your life as anything short of a lifetime, you should refrain from keeping them around past their expiration date. And although this sounds simple in theory, I realize now, more than ever, how difficult letting go may be, particularly when the person once came in the form of a good friend.
Until recently, I was an extremely guarded and apprehensive person when it came to dating. Because of the unfulfilled relationships I’d been involved with in the past; it was difficult for me to want to be open-minded about a successful one. I knew I wanted a monogamous, committed and loving relationship, yet internally, I struggled with the emotional investment that it entailed. As I saw it, to be emotional meant to show vulnerability and vulnerable I was not! I’d spent so much time trying to figure out how and why men think and act the way they do, devoting little to no sentiment, that I was becoming the “man” in dating relationships. It got to the point where my friends, both men and women, wanted to date like me; coming to me for advice. Then I met him.
I’ve played against some pretty good competition before. I’ve won some and have definitely lost some. But for the first time, I’d finally met my match. I’m talking about the guy who makes you not even want to play the game anymore. All the strategies I’d picked up, all the rules I’d vowed to stick by…they all went out the window. There was something different about how he made me feel that let me know it was worth a try. I knew that if I treated this situation like every other, trying to be anyone other than myself; I’d be wasting my time. I was going to not only show him, but more importantly prove to myself that I was ready for what I claimed I wanted all along. The risk would be finding out exactly who I was in the process and even exposing flaws at times. But a great risk can bring great reward and all I could do was hope that he’d appreciate the person I’d become when it was all said and done.
Today, I am an emotionally sincere and more confident woman than I was four months ago. I have a better sense of what it takes and how it feels to be ready for the relationship I desire. I have grown a lot in a short period of time all because I found someone worth growing for…me. For his help in getting me to this point, I am thankful. But there’s nothing more difficult than having to accept that while you’ve been making progress, the other person remains stagnant due to the issues that still cloud their own vision. And no matter how bright your new light may shine, if they don't open their eyes, they'll never see.
Giving up is hard to do, especially when you believe so strongly in the potential that you both exhibit. But sometimes it’s necessary to give up some things and people in order to make room for what’s better. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I still wait for the day that he’ll truly notice me. And if I’ve moved on when that time comes, I have faith that if it’s meant to be, he’ll come find me. But should that day never arrive, I have the pleasure of knowing that because of this situation, I am a better person. I gave it my all and, therefore, I’m left with no regrets.
If you’re holding back from someone that you know deserves more from you, by all means, stop procrastinating and be proactive in allowing them get to know the real you. Let go of the things that distract you from happiness. I stand by what I wrote in the beginning of the year: “A reward comes to those who unselfishly give of themselves to others…if you give it your best effort, the return can be quite worthwhile.” And even if things don’t work in your favor in this circumstance, take what you’ve learned and invest with the change you've been given. Your “return” may come in a different and greater form than the one you initially expected.
uLive.uLove.uLearn…and then repeat!
Song for thought: “Givin’ Up” originally by Donny Hathaway OR "Givin' Up" performed by Jennifer Holliday
3 comments:
Funny timing of this blog. I went through something related to this topic. Sadly, I held onto a relationship way too long. Parts of me stayed because I believed in the "potential" that we both exhibited. Parts of me stayed because I wanted him to see that I am a great person who isn't out to hurt him and if he could just see that, he'd open up and be a better man for it. It never happened. So the constant make up/break up lasted almost four years. I haven't spoken to him in almost 3 months. And recently, a friend of mine who I thought was married, walked away from her marriage 2 months prior to her wedding date. She gave me some amazing advice. "You get to a point where you know what your bottom line is. You know what you can live with and you know what you can't." Now those words meant so much to me, impacted me in a way I couldn't forsee, and gave me a new found strength and confidence in myself. I didn't give up on him. I didn't give up on us. I gave it my best. But at the end of the day, I knew what I could live with, and I knew what I couldn't. So I finally walked away.
My mother always says the same thing..."a reason, season, or a lifetime." These are the reasons people are placed in your life, and from each person,you should draw something that teaches you about the qualities that are worth keeping and instilling in your own life, and those that are the exact characteristics that you see are not a positive attribute to your well being. It is extremely hard to let go. This stands for friendships just the same as romantic relationships. Sometimes we have such high hopes for the good in people to shine through, that we are jaded by their potential and ignore reality. That old wise tale, "It's not what you say, but what you do," is soooooo on point!!! At the end of the day, after interacting with so many personality types and the priciples that people base their life around, the only thing that we as individuals can take complete responsibility for is remaining true to ourselves by only allowing those persons who bring out the absolute best in ourselves to remain a part of our lives. "It's so hard to say goodbye," but sometimes it just needs to be done. -SOB
Coming to the conclusion that the person you are madly in love/like with is not the one can be quite painful - the former being much more painful than the latter - however, it is important to realize that you didn't give up. Instead, you made a well informed decision based on a substantial amount of continuous and discrete data which ultimately led to you severing ties with this individual. Would you tell an investor that he/she gave up because they sold their interest in a firm that was constantly loosing market share to their competitors b/c their customer satisfaction rankings were below par and, as a result, saw their earnings and stock prices plummet? No, you would say that the investor is smart for reading industry trends and making well informed decisions which, in the long run, preserved their wealth - especially if they were able to sell their interest in the firm prior to loosing their initial investment.
I’m not saying that the floundering company will never realize growth or recapture market share from the competition – history has shown that companies can have a tremendous turnaround under the proper CEO (i.e. G.E. in the earlier 80’s); but it is wise to realize that you may not be the right CEO for the situation. Likewise, if the investor chose to hold on their interest in the firm, as opposed to selling their interest, they may not have the opportunity to invest in a better stock if they do not have the liquid assets to diversify at the time (in the case of relationships the liquid assets would be time and energy.) In short, don’t stay on a sinking ship cause you might end up sleeping with the fishes (I stayed on a sinking ship for way too long and ended up in the ICU for a long time.) Furthermore, if you really assess the situation you will find that the investor gained more than he/she lost because now they have gained valuable knowledge, as a result of their experience(s), that will enable them to grow for a lifetime.
When you like, be vulnerable with your mind, and when you love be vulnerable with your heart; but under no circumstances should you forget to use common sense! I'd rather find out that someone is fucked up before I decided to married them as opposed to afterwards - dividing assets is a very laborious process; trust me!
Btw... I’ve been through some shit and I’m happy to say that I’m stronger than a motha fucka because of it. Oh yeah, you can't coach a person that wants to loaf within a relationship; either they want to be there or they don't.
Bong!
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