We've all heard the phrase, "Good guys finish last," and we all know this to be true. The "good guy," who will treat you like the queen you are, is hardly ever the "type" that we end up falling for. When it comes to dating, fools rush in. In this race to a relationship, rushing to the finish line forces me to ask the question: does it really matter who finishes first?
I thought the prospect of a good guy was unconceivable, but alas, I've found where they've been hiding. You would be so upset to know that they're actually not hiding. They've been right under our noses the ENTIRE time! Remember the guys that you didn't give the time of day to because they didn't measure up to your list of unrealistic criteria? Admit it, half of your expectations are superficial.
Do away with the lists. But if you decide to keep one, list only the things that have substance, “must-haves” that cannot be negotiated. We didn't become fabulous over night and we can't expect men to be our "Mr. Everything" right away either. A friend's mother put it best when speaking of her husband and soul mate, "Honey, he didn't come out of the box that way." What this means is, he may have all of the parts, yet no one has taken the time to assemble them. I am, in no way, referring to changing or rearranging a man. However, I do want to stress re-evaluating some men you may have carelessly let pass by.
If you're anything like me, you've been attracted to the "good looking guy;" the smooth talker who knows just what to say to get just what he wants; the same guy that considers himself the catch, and not you. Aside from physical perks, he lacks just about everything else, but you make excuses because he's easy on the eye. Security in a man is a huge factor in relationships; not only financial security, but physical as well. So maybe you tend to go for the guy who's a little rough around the edges and makes you feel protected. All of this is unimportant in the grand scheme. The point is that no matter how fine he is or how secure you may think you feel; you end up unhappy and unfulfilled with no one to blame but yourself. Here you are running around screaming about how all men are dogs, all along knowing he was “Mr. Right” for all the wrong reasons. So today, I'm proposing that we all date outside of our box.
If you've never considered a short man being your ideal man, give it a try. Supermodels have been doing it for years! You'd be amazed at who you might've overlooked...literally! Is his wardrobe all wrong? Then take him on a trip to the mall or subtly point him in the direction of appealing menswear. If you’ve been sporting a few extra pounds, you can not expect him to sport a six-pack! You have to learn to compromise. Don’t let go of the guy who knows just what to say and actually means it. There’s no greater feeling than when he makes you blush without even trying. If you plan to experience true love and happiness (and yes, the two exist), you’ve got to be real with your expectations in a partner.
I'm forecasting what will be the latest trend. Just like platform shoes, the "good guy" is back in style! Stop kissing frogs in hopes that your Prince Charming will be revealed. Snag him before somebody else does!
Stay tuned for more on this topic...
Live.Love.Learn…(and then repeat)!
-TS&S
10 comments:
i totally agree but easier said than done.
I completely agree but whether someone realizes it or not, a lot of women don't like to date guys that don't meet their criteria of physical beauty for fear of what their girlfriends might say. Their friends might not say it to their face, maybe they will, maybe behind their backs to other friends in their circle, or maybe it will be some humorous remark laced with a bit of true feelings said to your face. Regardless, the feeling of criticism or not measuring up with your friends (for the guy not yourself) hurts. It keeps girls from avoiding guys that could very well be great, perfect guys for them.
Why do we as women do this???
Men have preferences, but seem to definitely date a range of beauties...short/tall, thick/thin, light/dark, long hair/short hair. They will definitely experiment, while we are so set in our ways.
I think, once you finally decide to step out on someone other than what you are used to, you will probably not go back to what you had before.
I also think this experimenting comes with age, wisdom and maturity. Once you get to the point where you are TOO through, you might start noticing men you normally wouldn't before. As you age, your interests have changed and what you want and need from a relationships changes as well.
I think the concept of "Good Guy finishing last," is over-rated and used as a empathetic reasoning for why the guy doesn't get the girl. In my opinion, Good Guys don't Finish last.
Allow me to elaborate...
When it comes to choosing a potential mate, guys are just as clueless about what the want in a woman, or about the atrributes of a woman that best compliments them. Just like we kiss alot of frogs to find our prince, guys kiss alot of half-dead/sleeping ladies, to find their princess (refer to Sleeping Beauty or Snow White). They, just like us, have a checklist of what they want in a woman, just like we have a list of attributes we want in a man, and most of the time, we're all wrong.
I think those guys that feel that good guys finish last, don't take the time to see what it is they want, or learn from previous women of what they don't want.
EXAMPLE: A man see's a gorgeous woman at club. She knows she's fly, he knows she's fly... everyone knows she's fly. All the men in the room are trying to get into her eyeline, to holla, spit game, or do whatever they have to, to win her. The man gets his shot and is rejected.
Pitifully, he walks away or yells some remark like, "You ain't that cute no way,"stepping off to mingle and try again.
Now what the man didn't notice was the gorgeous girl's equally gorgeous friend, who is a little more reserved than her counterpart, but has looks and more to offer. But because he didn't take the time to look, his chance with her is gone.
Now, Just for arguement's sake, lets say good guys do finish last... the keyword is that they FINISH. And whether it is a sprint or a marathon, good guys, true and true, still finish with a good girl waiting at the finish line. It's just important that they stay in the race ;)
There is definately a list women use to look for the right guy. Men also have a list, it just has fewer boxes to check off.
But, as you mature you revamp the critria for the here and now. then you realize that the guys you've let in because of the new list still have issues and you have to go back and edit the list. taking away the superficial things and sticking to the important elements. Otherwise the relation is doomed because you know you can do better. Not that you're better than him, just that there is someone better suited for you.
It is a "living list" if you will. It must constantly be adapted for your goals. But the key to the list is that you truly know what you want and dont want.
Finishing last isnt that bad, because those guys stuck it out and are in it for the long run.
I mean, your standards are your standards and you know what you like. But i guess it's the age old saying you want what you can't have. I am guilty of going strictly looks most of the time myself. Matter of fact i was with my last girlgfriend for 9 years off and on, and once i think about it, we broke up because she just wasn't enough for me in the face, l loved her body and the sex was some of the best i ever had, but at the end of the day she just wasn't enough in the face. And don't get it twisted she's not at all ugly, but she's wasn't matching my picky criteria. I even do this at the club, when i see a group of attractive women i end up picking the one who is most pleasing to my eyes, only to realize later that i picked the worng one. But hey what can you do, sure you should go for the peroson that treats you the way you wanted to be treated, but where's the fun in that??????
In response to 'iluvdough': On and off for nine years and she wasn't enough in the face!?! Are you kidding me!?! Please tell me there was more substance to the purpose of your break up than just physical appearance after NINE YEARS!
I wonder if what 'starrynight' said is true in that a lot of our physical standards stem from what other people will think (i.e. our friends)? If so, we're really missing out on a lot of good people.
WOW! ok, first, for "starrynight," if you're dating men for the approval of your friends, you have a bigger issues than the topic at hand. As far as "illuvdough" is concerned, stop trippin, you know the only reason for you and your ex to part was not looks.
The thing about dating, in my opinion, is you don't always know what you really like, till you know what you really don't like. The only way to prioritize (in a realistic manner) what traits on your little list of wants and needs are worth compromising is to take TS&S's advice of dating outside the box. One of my closest girlfriends, the last person ever thought to date outside her race, has recently found true happiness and companionship with the whitest white guy you could meet......but they're happy. It's about being openminded, experiencing new and different people. Learning from these differnt people what is type of person is most compatable with you. TS&S, about 20 down, 80 more to go!!!
-SOB
When SOB says "about 20 down, 80 more to go," she's referring to how many people she's dated versus how many people she still has to date before considereing marriage. I'll explore that in a later topic.
My number: 83 (to go)
Keep commenting! Thanks!
This is a very interesting topic. One that has been going on forever and it will always be the same. Nice guys do finish last. It's sad but true. I believe the reason for this is because women are such emotional creatures. A so called "bad boy" can muster up many different feelings and emotions. In most cases a good guy doesn't do that. A good guy is practical, dependable,trustworthy and not as exciting. These qualities are not as appreciated lots of the time until maturity happens.
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